I MOVED TO NEW YORK CITY WITH NO PLAN

What’s newwwwww <3

I feel like we haven’t spoken since I quit my job and moved to Bali and I’ve lived 9 lives since then so let’s catch up.

When I left Bali and moved home (had a 2 month sabbatical in Spain first) it felt like defeat. The decision came to me during an Ekadasi ceremony during my 100-hour Meditation Teacher Training in Uluwatu. Ekadasi is an 11-day breathwork practice where you work your way up to meditating like 2-3 hours a day and basically starve your brain of oxygen and hallucinate im laughing while typing this. But seriously worth it if you ever have the opportunity to do it safely with a practitioner the insights were fire

Anyways, that was my truth. I needed to leave Bali and I guess it took 11 days of starving my brain from oxygen to finally access that hard truth (among many others) and admit it to myself. I wanted Bali to be the answer so badly, I wanted it to be the thing that fixed me and it wasn’t. It honestly broke me down and stripped me spiritually naked and then kicked me out. Then Spain was there to hold me and build me back up. I remembered how creative I was without trying, I remembered how fun I was and how much I loved going out and meeting strangers and being silly with my friends and going on dates (nod to sexy spring 2025). Then eventually, my six month unemployment stint had to come to an end, I couldn’t save myself from an expired visa, and I moved in with my parents in their freshly built house in Greensboro, Georgia (cool girl death sentence).

So here I am, in what felt like the middle-of-fucking-nowhere Georgia, tail between my legs, drowning in self-inflicted shame, and navigating a really strange reverse culture shock after living overseas for two years. 

I went through two weird months of blurred misery. It was such a disorienting time for me. I got a job bartending at a local restaurant which I didn’t know at the time would end up being such a blessing for reasons I couldn’t predict. 

I was approaching rock bottom mentally but weekend trips out of Greensboro kept me sane while I figured out how to be American again. I went to Nashville a couple of times, Bonnaroo Music Festival, and eventually New York City. 

I almost cancelled that trip because I was so miserable and I was scared for anyone to see me in that condition. Thankfully I didn’t. 

That trip felt like someone clearing out all of the blockages in my energetic faucet. My attitude, my life, my drive, everything did a complete 180 when I came back to Georgia. 

I try to be careful to not misattribute positive emotions to coming from something external rather than coming from me. But I ended that trip saying I was going to move to New York. 

However time passed, the magic somewhat faded, and the dream became deferred. It seemed to unrealistic and I took everyone else's reservations about living there on as my own (life mistake #1) instead of trusting myself. I was comfortable in Georgia, and life hadn’t been comfortable, certain, or stable for me for a long time. I knew it wasn’t going to be forever.

I was teaching yoga, bartending, and started a role as the Digital Marketing Lead at my studio. I felt like I had enough going on to feel like I was going somewhere. It felt like it was enough to ward off people who asked me what I was going to do with my life or what my next adventure was going to be. But at the same time, I knew that I was stalling.

I made the decision to move to New York in mid-December, about a month before actually leaving. It was a combination of things that led me to pull the trigger. I knew I wanted a change, and ultimately I was tired of waiting for everything in my life to be perfect in order for me to go. The perfect amount of money saved, perfect job, perfect apartment, zero issues in my personal life– there’s never going to be a perfect time and I know that being ready is a decision, not something that falls into your lap. I knew that playing it safe and choosing somewhere less difficult to move to wasn’t a viable option for me. So as scary as it was, I made the decision firmly in my bones, having no clue what I would do or where I would live or how I would afford it, but confidence that once again I could count on myself to figure it out.

One of the first people I told was my friend Des who I met in Bali who lives in the city. She asked me about my plans for housing and when I told her I had none, she informed me that she was leaving for a couple months and needed someone to sublease her apartment from her.  A cozy, one bedroom apartment 5-minute walk from Central Park.  Having that apartment fall into my lap with such ease felt like a little gift from God. A little nudge that I was making the right decision for myself as scary as it was. 

It was hard to leave Georgia because it felt like saying goodbye to my comfort zone. Everything about life there was so comfortable. Not to say it wasn’t challenging in its own ways, but that’s the thing. It’s very important to choose your hard. Life is never going to be perfect or constantly easy, but we get to choose where we struggle and what kinds of struggles we want to have. 

I don’t have a plan, but I plan on doing it all. I enjoy having my hand in every pot, trying new things, new hobbies, new jobs, and exploring different versions of myself. Maybe that sounds non-commital and flimsy to some, but I have learned to be okay with that. I like watching my life unfold, I like the change, and I love who I am becoming. 

I definitely plan on honoring my creativity and taking advantage of living in a city with so many creative people doing unconventional things. I will continue to write, DJ, and pour into myself and my ventures. 

I have lived enough places now to know that wherever you go there you are, and it’s not about making the ‘right’ decision or picking the perfect place, it’s about making the decision right. and I’m excited to see what I make of my life here.